Cancer Kills Joy

Bittersweet memories dance through my mind
And I realize now that it's nothing more than a sign
I've searched for healing in these wounds
I can still hear you
Smell you
Feel you
I remember your embrace
That smile
& that artistic style
It was you who always motivated me to spread my wings
I looked forward to your letters
I valued your words
I treasured your spirit
There will never come a day
That I will ever say
That I will stop loving you
You will always be a living part of me
You had an ability to pull every inch of laughter from the inside out
You were more than my sister , you were my strength, my confidant, my friend
I have to be honest, I think of you with every breathe that I take
You are still my strength
In 1994 my heart was bent into a painful shape
The shoulda, coulda & wouldas still linger in my mind
This hasn't gotten easier with time
It's weird that in many ways the pain has made me stronger
You have defined for me what joy is
Joy isn't given through pain
Joy doesn't arrive from personal gain
Joy is rooted in unconditional love
& your life illustrated joy
Know that my heart will always beat the sound of your name
You are still my strength.