Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Are you listening?


It’s me

I know it’s late but I need to talk with you

Lately it’s been hurting to inhale 

I can’t stop feeling like I am trapped in this emotional jail

I keep thinking

I should have came to you before I started sinking

But please

Hear my call

It hurts

The memories pierce my mind like an arrow and insult my self esteem

Have you stopped listening to me?

Have I reached the threshold of forgiveness an strayed too far away?

If so, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry

Please don’t misunderstand me, it feels incredible to make it this far

Only you & I truly know the depth of my testimony and I cannot thank you enough for my life



Hear my call

It hurts...

Friday, April 28, 2017

The Morning After

I woke up to you this morning 
It had been the first time 
In a long time
That I felt your heart beating in the palm of my hands
Your scent, rested on my upper lip
Our bodies were wrapped together
Like the most anticipated CHRISTmas present
Our feet
Formed the perfectly imperfect puzzle pieces of a love jones story
I woke up to you this morning 
The heat from your fingertips ignited a fire that began in my belly button
Quickly traveled to my toes
Erected my emotions 
As I exhaled and smoke escaped from my nose
I woke up to you this morning
The casual combination of champagne mixed with the natural scent of your morning breath swaddled me like the smoke from my inscents 
Your body communicated morse code messages that the words from your mouth never have 
I woke up to you this morning 
My hands massaged every beauty mark like I was reading a textbook in brail 
We have been through so much 
Our story is incredibly layered
Yet when your nails pinched the skin on my back 
I was reminded that you're still scared to lose me
I woke up to you this morning
The shining superstar that is always featured in my dreams 
The vitamin E oil that nourishes my skin
The water that quenched my thirst
My peace in this mahogany universe that was stolen by a Trump
I woke up to you this morning 
Topped off my year at ease and with a purpose
I woke up to you this morning
Now I have one question
Can I walk with you ?
Not ahead of you
Not behind you 
But with you 
This right here
This right now
Is all that matters to me
I woke up to you this morning 

Monday, October 3, 2016

Cancer Kills Joy

Bittersweet memories dance through my mind
And I realize now that it's nothing more than a sign
I've searched for healing in these wounds
I can still hear you
Smell you
Feel you
I remember your embrace
That smile
& that artistic style
It was you who always motivated me to spread my wings
I looked forward to your letters
I valued your words
I treasured your spirit
There will never come a day
That I will ever say
That I will stop loving you
You will always be a living part of me
You had an ability to pull every inch of laughter from the inside out
You were more than my sister , you were my strength, my confidant, my friend
I have to be honest, I think of you with every breathe that I take
You are still my strength
In 1994 my heart was bent into a painful shape
The shoulda, coulda & wouldas still linger in my mind
This hasn't gotten easier with time
It's weird that in many ways the pain has made me stronger
You have defined for me what joy is
Joy isn't given through pain
Joy doesn't arrive from personal gain
Joy is rooted in unconditional love
& your life illustrated joy
Know that my heart will always beat the sound of your name
You are still my strength.

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Verbal Intimacy (unfinished)

Spark conversations quicker than a matchbox
You ignite my senses without even taking a look
You erect me 
You perfect me
You soothe me
Your consideration pursues me
To provide me with verbal intimacy
We talk about everything from applesauce to african apartheid
Jumping from who framed roger rabbit to what about tears when I’m happy
I close my eyes 
& allow my body language to speak to you in a zillion different tongues
Sandalwood tickles my nose 
As your verbal intimacy keeps me dancing on my toes
It was easy for me not to worry about me because I believed that other people didn’t care
Until I realized that you begin to stare
Into my soul
& you looked me into my eyes and asked 
Are you hungry?
I looked to my left & my right
& then landed my eyes back on you
You hadn’t even blinked
I said
I can eat
You replied with a smooth 
Let me feed you
& that you did
I ended every situationship with every around the way girl who was wrapped in eye candy & cheap costume jewelery 
In an effort to feast on your soul food
Traded their twerking for tradition
Ignored all of my inhibition 
& fell
I’ll tell you now
I followed Anita Baker’s lead & I’m taking a vow 
To continue giving you the best that I got
Truth be told
Sometimes I don't like you
You become distant when you're scared
Defensive when you feel lonely
Angry when you're hungry

Cranky when the world has gulped the last ounce of your energy away
It's terrifying to think that as you are loving hard
The person on the other end may feel you're doing too much
Or smothering them
I will always value your vulnerability
Without treating it like a disability...

Saturday, June 18, 2016

If This Isn't Love... (work in progress)

Have you ever been in love?
Love that shines a light into the deepest depths of your insecurity
Love that asks you to strip
Not your clothes but to keep your heart, spirit and goals exposed
A love that is so powerful that you can’t even find the words to explain it
All you can do is stare into their eyes 
Shake your head 
& ask GOD to keep you still so that you don’t mess this blessing up
I told myself that I would stop watering myself down
That I would not stifle myself in any efforts to be noticed 
or seen
or appreciated 
I decided to become the sunflower that regardless of anything I wouldn’t stifle their growth
or my sanity
& then the most beautiful thing happened
Love showed me their scars
Love introduced me to the loneliness
The pain
The extended laughter
& the stormy rain
Love looked me in my face & said 
“ I don’t expect you to stay, everybody else has already left…”
I actively listened like a child to their favorite bedtime story
I grabbed love by the hand
Laid my head on love’s chest and stayed there until the beat of love’s racing heart slowly calmed
Love whispered to me 
I read the chapters of your story that you don’t want to read aloud, not to shame you but to show you that I am here to protect your weakness

Then love asked me to promise not to bruise love in an attempt to heal myself…

Monday, April 25, 2016

Press Play...


I inhale and I can still smell you on my lips
Is this a dream?
The scent lingers and triggers  memories of laughter
Memories of healing
Experiences of elaborate ectasy
Your face flashes through my mind like it's going out of style
Let me rewind
Let's go back to the beginning when I was too shy to shine a spotlight your way
I watched you as you stood in the center of the afternoon sunlight
Whispering to myself I asked GOD to ease my heart as it drummed through my chest
My pulse raced and I arranged my feelings into formation
I kept my ray bans on to hide my admiration
That afternoon, we talked topics ranging from African apartheid to ratchet reality TV
I clung to your every word like a caterpillar afraid to shed from the cocoon
Is this a dream?
Fast forward to the time you let me take a tour of your scars
I traced them with my thumb like I was looking for directions on an MTA map
Carefully, I listened as you took off your cool to introduce me to your insecurities
Let's pause on the part where you got teary eyed as you stumbled to say
I love you
Is this a dream?
Yo! I'm sorry I'm late
I'm sorry that I initially allowed you to push me away
Instead I should have held you
& reminded you that you are the last slither of air that I need before I drown
As a matter of fact, I did drown
In your eyes
As corny as it sounds, I value your verbal intimacy
Is this a dream?
I was never looking for love
You provided me with loyalty
I never needed to second guess your word
You trusted me with your heart
I looked for respect
& you adjusted my crown
I got on my knees & cried out
I'm terrified to let this guard down, I need you to show up and if this is your will you build a foundation that neither of us can ignore
Immediately, before I can seal it with an amen, you text me
Telling me that you want to start over
You told me that your heart won't let you let go this easily
Let's press play
As we keep the pace & allow our love story to be written organically
Here's my hand, this time you lead.

Monday, April 4, 2016



I have a crush on our potential
I’m smitten by our possibility
Everyday I literally trip on how happy we could be
There are hunger pains in my belly that crave your unavailability
The fact that your love is injected in small doses
Gives me an opportunity to ignore
My pain
My brokenness
& it refills my shattered spirit just enough for me to function
You are the place that my mind travels to as it wanders
The destination that it reaches when I need a break from my rough reality
You’re the last breath that I let escape before I drown
This love is stronger than just me wanting you around
More than I could have even anticipated
I pray for you harder than I have ever prayed for myself
This is getting expensive
For how much longer can you penny, nickel or dime your worth?
3 month flirty flings and temporarily serious situationships don’t quench my thirst
I’m a lover
A fighter
An investor
I get attached to the cracks in your character & cover them like a scar until they heal
Give me a few shots of you
Straight with no chaser
Let your juices moisten my palate
& Dance on my tongue
There’s nothing that I want from you, but you
Your Russell Stover chocolate complexion
Your cabernet sauvignon stained lips
Your face; to turn the corners of your mouth into numerous smiles
You can’t see this because you’re blinded by everyone you’ve ever wanted wanting something from you
You are my goal
My sunshine that illuminates the shadiest shadows
Decisions to make
Lessons to learn
This feels like suicide
& maybe it is
To effectively build something stronger you have to destroy everything that was in the way
Maybe I am making the choice to kill the parts of me that would bruise you
My ego
My pride
My fears
I want another season of love
A lifetime of waking you up with the smell of whatever your indecisive nose wants for breakfast
I want you
I want to kiss the creases of your lower back
Lick the worries of the day from the inside of your thighs
& hold you tightly until you exhale
I want us to argue
& agree to disagree over our differences but never let anything weaken our bond
I respect you
I will forever invest in your dreams & value your vulnerability
I have a crush on our potential
I’m smitten by our possibility
Everyday I literally trip on how happy we WILL be
There are motion pictures that play in my mind
Scenes of us getting caught up during a game of tickle torture
Images of rocking chairs, flashes of faith, screenshots of our success
I would rather live in your world, than be without you in mine
You are my goal.