Cancer Kills Joy

Bittersweet memories dance through my mind
And I realize now that it's nothing more than a sign
I've searched for healing in these wounds
I can still hear you
Smell you
Feel you
I remember your embrace
That smile
& that artistic style
It was you who always motivated me to spread my wings
I looked forward to your letters
I valued your words
I treasured your spirit
There will never come a day
That I will ever say
That I will stop loving you
You will always be a living part of me
You had an ability to pull every inch of laughter from the inside out
You were more than my sister , you were my strength, my confidant, my friend
I have to be honest, I think of you with every breathe that I take
You are still my strength
In 1994 my heart was bent into a painful shape
The shoulda, coulda & wouldas still linger in my mind
This hasn't gotten easier with time
It's weird that in many ways the pain has made me stronger
You have defined for me what joy is
Joy isn't given through pain
Joy doesn't arrive from personal gain
Joy is rooted in unconditional love
& your life illustrated joy
Know that my heart will always beat the sound of your name
You are still my strength.

Let No One Stop Your Growth...

It's 2016, we all have a smart phone or an apple device. You know when you try to capture a new photo on your phone & you get the not enough storage screen pop up? or the storage almost full notifications? That's an indicator to us that our screenshots, & messages, & music & whatever else; has taken up so much space that we can't absorb anything new. Our phone gives us signs to let us know that it's time to let things go. Why are we so quick to delete things & threads from our devices but not our minds, spirits or hearts? Literally our phones are teaching us that the more stuff we hold onto the less new blessings & new GOOD memories we can receive.

I went through my screenshots this morning. I had memes, hop-stop directions & a whole bunch of other crap that I haven't even needed to keep. It was just there taking up space, and slowing down my phone. It made me realize that I need to apply this same concept to my life. There are certain things that we need to let go of simply because the weight of carrying it has become too heavy. We literally beg the universe for signs that we aren't ready to see. & instead of addressing these loads and unpacking, we carry them into our next relationship. We bring them along with us to work. We keep them draped around our shoulders as we study, and it haunts us as we try to sleep at night. We either make ourselves miserable & full of regret or we build ourselves up to be strong. The amount of investment and work is the same. Choose wisely.

Here's a piece of advice, we can buy those yeezy's, we can slip into those red bottoms; but regardless of whats on your feet, running away from your problems is a race that you will NEVER win. Sometimes we have to stop avoiding the pain. As long as you are actively growing, get comfortable in the fact that not everyone will be going to the next level with you. For me, once I made the decision to love myself I realized that the levels of my relationships with everyone changed. I developed a newfound respect for positive energies and I started valuing selflessness. I believe that GOD blesses the individuals who have taken a gulp from the cup of sorrow in an effort to avoid making others taste it.

Romantically, we forget that what isn't resolved or healed as we are single; will spread like a cancer as we are together. We have to heal individually before we commit to sharing our energy with anyone; hurt people, hurt people.

Your 20's are undoubtedly some of the roughest years of your life. You realize that you are too old to be wasting time but also too young to be attached to things and people that drain you. Regardless of where you are at this very moment in your life, embrace & celebrate it. What you're experiencing is either a product of your previous growth or leading you to help you grow. Everyday theres a new decision to be made that molds your future. I'm just going to say it bluntly; your 20's need to be your years of undeniable growth and self indulgence. You have to learn how to stop feeding the people who only come to "support" you to grab a plate and leave.

Be patient with yourself and trust in every aspect of your journey. Create a balance; Love. Heal. Grow.

P.S. It isn't your job or responsibility to wake up anyone who's sleeping on you.

You down to...?

        For whatever reason a lot of the people around me tend to feel comfortable enough to openly talk with me. I appreciate that but I noticed recently that too many people suffer from allowing their insecurities or their haters to shape their views of themselves. So this is an open conversation to all of us & I pose the questions, You down to believe in the power of you?

       "I ... Don't ... feel... anything." This statement fractured my heart. For a beautiful, articulate, family orientated young woman with a career to say she hasn't felt in years is scary. Without putting all of her business in the street, she had been apart of an intense relationship that she thought would lead down the road to marriage. They were childhood friends. They flirted throughout most of high school and finally committed to each other the summer before college. What led to their breakup was they loved with different love languages. He wanted arm candy while she wanted lifelong soul food. Needless to say she gave him all her power and when he broke up with her she felt bent into painful shapes. 

     For anyone out there that's experiencing a break up or grieving (because they can't go a day without thinking about them), understand that making the choice to become numb or to avoid your feelings is giving that other person power over your life. The best way to heal is to release the negative feelings and realize that you cannot erase the memories or delete the experiences out of your life. In the words of the uber talented Alicia Keys "my soul was returned so I call it a lesson learned.." You're still alive, you're still beautiful and you're still young enough to have a new beginning on love. Take the time to invest back into your happiness and the right love partner (who speaks your love language) will walk right into your life and build with you. Don't be too lazy to look out for yourself. 

      "I feel helpless... I can't even get likes on instagram..." First off, please don't put your confidence in the hands of social media. Your love or belief in yourself should never come from the amount of followers, likes or shares that you receive. Social media was designed to be fun , not torture. Also, if you feel fly & you own whatever you are wearing or doing you will shine! That glow will always reign over a few social media likes. 

    Word to the wise: hold onto every genuine, joyful, encouraging person that you come across. The unfortunate reality is that this generation is full of people driven by money, status, celebrity, keyboard internet courage, pride and ego. As a result, joyful souls are few and far between. Be very mindful and aware of the energy that you release and the energy that you entertain. & believe in the power of you!