Friends, How many of us have them?

Friends, How many of us have them?

I was asked, how do I define friendship? I found it to be interesting because recently a few people who I once considered friends or even chosen family have fallen from the branch of my family tree. As morbid as that sounds, they didn't die, they just decided to take their loyalty away from me. I'll be honest; initially it hurt like hell. I swear I heard Monica's "Before You Walk Out My Life" playing in my head. Then I was reminded that people are sometimes seasonal, & we have to be wise enough (regardless of the situation) to not fight the process. For this reason we have to be careful who we build memories with, they literally can & will last a lifetime. I'm going to be as transparent as possible, friendship changes daily; & whether it is for a season or for a lifetime each of us should examine our definition of who we consider to be our friends. 

A real friend will honor you as they admire you and help you escape your enemy or addictions (which come in the form of people too).  I've had "friends" who when I spoke the truth to them they couldn't handle it. Those bonds weren't real. Those friends were seasonal and circumstantial. I've also had friends that were immature and weren't on my level. Those type of bonds needed time so that either I or they could grow up and appreciate the beauty of our bond. I've also had friends that introduced me to parts of my character that I didn't realize existed. It's like they gave birth to my potential and helped me grow it into potency. 

Often we view friendship and romantic relationships through different lenses but in reality they co-exist together. They have a parent to child relationship that is universal. Friendship needs to be cultivated and should grow with time. Genuine friends (the ones who often become family and who become staples in your life) are invested in you and want to see you grow at every level of life. You get so attached to these people that your connection is unspoken. It's felt. It's honest, it's layered. It's taking the time to ask "How was your day?" & actually caring to help when they are in need. 

Sometimes (most times) we expect people to be there for us when we haven't been there for them. Any healthy relationship needs to be operating with sincere reciprocity. My Mema used to tell us that you can't receive a blessing with a closed fist. You have to open your hands & hearts to give and in turn you will receive. I admit that there have been times where I was invested in a friendship but wasn't invested in the pages of the chapters that they didn't read aloud. I had to check myself & realize that if I was going to commit to the friendship that I had to be there for their truths as well. Regardless of how uncomfortable, ugly, embarrassing or taboo I had to make a conscious effort to be willing to support them in this way.

Friendship is funny because too many times we want friends or people to be around but aren't friendly. It's necessary to ask yourself, am I being a friend or am I in a secret competition with this person? Do I love them for them or am I here because I have something to gain from being connected to them? The question remains; Friends, How many of us have them? Are them?