Elle Varner; A Lyrical Genius...

I'm not sure when it happened but celebrities being a one trick pony has been a common trend. There is no originality, there is no attention to detail, there is no fire. In 2016 there are several musical artists that skipped the stage presence classes in performing arts school and it is more entertaining to watch paint dry in your kitchen than to see them "perform".

Elle Varner, is not one of those artists!

Instead, Elle performs from the top of her head all the way down to her perfectly imperfect toes. To see her perform, is an electrifying experience. On Friday (January 29) I had the pleasure of a second row seat to witness her magic. Let's begin from the top. Elle graced the stage in a two piece silver & gray turtle neck bodysuit. The outfit was a great choice as it reflected every shimmer of light that gleamed off. In no uncertain terms, Elle looked radiant. She joked " Am I giving you the late great David Bowie? With a little Diana? & (a lot) of Elle Varner?" Her curls loosely sat like a well sculpted lionesses mane. From the moment that she stepped foot onto the BB Kings stage (here in New York City) she owned that venue.

Elle delivered a well rehearsed, well executed, performance. Elle's voice can only be compared to a bluebird singing your favorite lullaby. She uses that vocal instrument at octaves I have only dreamt of. Every note, every word, every emotion is calculated and organically felt. Elle's debut album peaked at number four on the US Billboard Hot 200 upon its release in 2012. Elle has an amazing ability to fuse Jazz falsetto, Rock , and R&B. Her lyrics will tug at your heart strings and from a man's perspective; make you want to drive over to that girl who's heart you broke and crazy glue it back together. 

Elle performed all of her original music from the debut album and introduced to the world a few brand spanking new unreleased tracks. My personal favorite was entitled "Read Me Down". Which is a playful metaphor about the first (or the most passionate) relationship between two people. The beauty of the lyrics is the juxtaposition between chapters of vulnerability and intimacy. Elle cleverly combined making love with expressing to your partner the chapters of your story that you normally don't read aloud. In case i'm being unclear; Elle is a lyrical genius. She takes every element of heartache, joy, suffering but also healing and wraps it in the lace of forgiveness. 

"From Beyoncè to Lauryn Hill" were the words that she said to us as she sat on a stool and tickled the strings of her guitar. There, she gave our ears an orgasm as we all hung off of her every word. Elle's showmanship was illustrated throughout her entire set. What impressed me was the way that she casually directed her musicians. She subtly would cue them to speed up or slow down their pace as she wanted to tell us just the right story. 

Elle also took advantage of every opportunity to engage with the crowd. She grabbed several cell phones and recorded snapchat videos as she was singing. Elle held hands, blew kisses and consoled an audience member as she cried. Once she finished, Elle returned for a encore performance to belt out another ballad. With her chin tilted upward, and her smile as bright as the sunlight, she whispered "Thank you so much". & just like that Elle concluded a picture-perfect performance. 

As luck would have it, I ended up backstage with her cousins, Dad, NYU friends/alumni and herself. With a quick outfit change, she stood there warmly smiling and holding conversations with everyone. I realized then that what I witnessed on stage was a slice of her actual humility. Elle's spirit is genuinely beautiful. Elle was patient with everyone there and cracked jokes as she hugged and thanked whoever was around (me included).  

Thank you Elle, for sharing your heart with us. I look forward to seeing where you journey to next.          

My Nig*a; What's Good?!

When will we let the truth set us free?  

I'm not going to sugarcoat any of this, I have no intention to pacify white supremacists or soothe the feelings of white privilege. I also am not going to flatter my friends or foes who refer to each other as "this nigga". I will however address the large elephant in the room; the black plight. If nothing more, 2015 made it abundantly clear that the black struggle is not only real, it is consistently under attack. Black lives are in a state of emergency. In fact, we expect to be treated like diamonds but walk around illustrating that we don't believe to be worth more than a crack rock. Trust me when I say, we all have the power to teach people how to treat us. Currently, we praise the scammers or the illiterate hood-boogers but don't offer the same level of respect for our brothers and sisters who sacrifice their personal time to hold it down for their families and provide academic but also professional opportunities for themselves. We aren't even patient with them or take the time to consider how hard they work. We expect to be offered a seat at the table that gives us a grand chance at our forty acres and a mule by greeting each other with "My nigga wats good?!" 

Allow me to reintroduce some of you guys to the missing pages of American history. The word nigger was a term used to seal the deal after a black person was lynched for sport or recreation. Black people were hunted like cattle. They were tied at their hands & feet, sometimes burnt alive or raped, and were then hung in front of everyone for forms of entertainment. Regardless of how well they behaved , or how quick they were obedient, lynching became a favorite pastime or a quick form of punishment. & right before the last ounce of oxygen left their lungs, they heard the words " You had it coming nigger." Fast forward to present day, we use this word as a term of endearment or an informal greeting everyday. And in the same vein, we are enraged when the decision of no indictment is made for cases like Sandra Bland or Tamir Rice. How often do we hear caucasians (white people for those of us still sleeping) saying " Wassup Cracker!?" or " See you later my saltine!", never! 

The reality is clear, we are still being hunted for sport. It's ironic that too many of us are happlily sleepwalking and falling in line without being proactive. When will it be time for y'all to wake up instead of hitting the snooze button thirty times in a row. You are wasting time. You are losing money. You've lost sight of your worth the moment you settle for less than what you deserve. The words that you release from your mouth will never return to you to void. Plainly put you reap whatever you sow. The good , the bad, the indifferent. If all you ever see yourself as is just another nigga, that is all you'll ever be. Let's try this, no questions; stop giving people discounts on your personal currency. 

We have to arm ourselves with knowledge, with love for our melanin and respect for our journey. Pick up a book before you snapchat those nudes. Be a shoulder for a friend in need instead of uploading that thirst trap. Create a standard of respect for your name and all the sacrifices that were made just for you to have the option to not be the next vine of strange fruit. Balance your life with knowledge, love and encouragement. I'm not saying you can't have fun or enjoy your youth, but learn your worth first. Tamir Rice will never have the luxury to know how it feels to turn thirteen years old.  I hope that if nothing more, this post will make you uncomfortable & restless. I hope that you allow these words to make you get tired of feeling like a guest in masters house. Let that sink in. 

What's the dirtiest thing you've ever done for money? Gone to college.

        Bruh! I graduated a few months ago from undergrad (#JohnJohnJayCollege #JjayRadio) and as I prepare my applications & narrow down my options for graduate programs, I must admit it feels incredible to exhale. College is a consistent journey of not only self discovery but also non stop growth (if you do it right). You're expected to eat well, study, maintain healthy relationships, get good grades, participate in class, be social, work out, sleep & keep a clean living space.  I know for me (& many of my friends) we learned very quickly that the best way to survive was to create a balance that was ideal for us as individuals.

     During undergrad, I was in between blessings often. To be clear, that's a clever way that I came up with to describe that I was broker than a joke. It's all about perspective & my strategy for myself was to make my mind as optimistic as humanly possible. Throughout the entire time I attended college (for the exception of my senior year) I worked three jobs (two off the books and one on), was a student leader/president of the radio station & I was actively helping my sister raise her son. All this while attending school full-time. & for the record, I graduated with a pretty good GPA. Needless to say, I had very long days. This is where balance and prioritizing saved my sanity. 

    Above everything college taught me the importance of the conditions that follow the word 'if'. That small two letter word is incredibly loaded with power. 'If' creates a relationship. It gives us hope. It helps us stretch our faith. It takes away entitlement. It makes us work towards a reasonable goal. It doesn't involve pride as it creates an environment of humility. Often, I had to tell myself "If you only held on little bit longer..." or "if you can get through this exam, you can get that A for this course". That word was used too many times to count to encourage myself and my peers. 

    College also taught me how crucial a support system is. Parents, if you're reading this, encourage, hug & love your children! It doesn't matter the age or  their gender pure agape love through the form of a hug or an encouraging word; will always be necessary. It shows us that someone cares, that someone is in the stands rooting for us & that we are not in this battle alone.  I thank GOD for my praying mother. 

     College was a direct illustration for me that it is crucial to humble yourself. In this generation there are too many people that don't put themselves aside to think about others. There's nothing wrong with humbling yourself by being concerned with someone else's need. I myself had to cut a slice of humble pie and take the I out of pride. 

     In the time that we gossip or watch reality tv we can support & pray for those who are having a difficult time adjusting to the competitive environment. A childhood friend of mine committed suicide before graduation. I went to grade school, junior high school and high school with him. His grandparents and my mom would take turns going on field trips with our class (which is where they became acquainted as well). It hurt my heart to know that in his time of need , I wasn't there for him. I was too wrapped up in my own day to days that I neglected to see the signs that he was suffering and in need of a non judgmental ear. Now I have to live with the fact that I can never say to him "I miss you, let's grab chipotle soon"

    It all boils down to this, whether it takes you four years or seven; it is important for each of us to squeeze as much out of college that we can. It literally can be what you make it. & if you'd like my advice; use every opportunity that you possibly can to grow!



    

You down to...?

        For whatever reason a lot of the people around me tend to feel comfortable enough to openly talk with me. I appreciate that but I noticed recently that too many people suffer from allowing their insecurities or their haters to shape their views of themselves. So this is an open conversation to all of us & I pose the questions, You down to believe in the power of you?

       "I ... Don't ... feel... anything." This statement fractured my heart. For a beautiful, articulate, family orientated young woman with a career to say she hasn't felt in years is scary. Without putting all of her business in the street, she had been apart of an intense relationship that she thought would lead down the road to marriage. They were childhood friends. They flirted throughout most of high school and finally committed to each other the summer before college. What led to their breakup was they loved with different love languages. He wanted arm candy while she wanted lifelong soul food. Needless to say she gave him all her power and when he broke up with her she felt bent into painful shapes. 

     For anyone out there that's experiencing a break up or grieving (because they can't go a day without thinking about them), understand that making the choice to become numb or to avoid your feelings is giving that other person power over your life. The best way to heal is to release the negative feelings and realize that you cannot erase the memories or delete the experiences out of your life. In the words of the uber talented Alicia Keys "my soul was returned so I call it a lesson learned.." You're still alive, you're still beautiful and you're still young enough to have a new beginning on love. Take the time to invest back into your happiness and the right love partner (who speaks your love language) will walk right into your life and build with you. Don't be too lazy to look out for yourself. 

      "I feel helpless... I can't even get likes on instagram..." First off, please don't put your confidence in the hands of social media. Your love or belief in yourself should never come from the amount of followers, likes or shares that you receive. Social media was designed to be fun , not torture. Also, if you feel fly & you own whatever you are wearing or doing you will shine! That glow will always reign over a few social media likes. 

    Word to the wise: hold onto every genuine, joyful, encouraging person that you come across. The unfortunate reality is that this generation is full of people driven by money, status, celebrity, keyboard internet courage, pride and ego. As a result, joyful souls are few and far between. Be very mindful and aware of the energy that you release and the energy that you entertain. & believe in the power of you! 

Friends, How many of us have them?

Friends, How many of us have them?

I was asked, how do I define friendship? I found it to be interesting because recently a few people who I once considered friends or even chosen family have fallen from the branch of my family tree. As morbid as that sounds, they didn't die, they just decided to take their loyalty away from me. I'll be honest; initially it hurt like hell. I swear I heard Monica's "Before You Walk Out My Life" playing in my head. Then I was reminded that people are sometimes seasonal, & we have to be wise enough (regardless of the situation) to not fight the process. For this reason we have to be careful who we build memories with, they literally can & will last a lifetime. I'm going to be as transparent as possible, friendship changes daily; & whether it is for a season or for a lifetime each of us should examine our definition of who we consider to be our friends. 

A real friend will honor you as they admire you and help you escape your enemy or addictions (which come in the form of people too).  I've had "friends" who when I spoke the truth to them they couldn't handle it. Those bonds weren't real. Those friends were seasonal and circumstantial. I've also had friends that were immature and weren't on my level. Those type of bonds needed time so that either I or they could grow up and appreciate the beauty of our bond. I've also had friends that introduced me to parts of my character that I didn't realize existed. It's like they gave birth to my potential and helped me grow it into potency. 

Often we view friendship and romantic relationships through different lenses but in reality they co-exist together. They have a parent to child relationship that is universal. Friendship needs to be cultivated and should grow with time. Genuine friends (the ones who often become family and who become staples in your life) are invested in you and want to see you grow at every level of life. You get so attached to these people that your connection is unspoken. It's felt. It's honest, it's layered. It's taking the time to ask "How was your day?" & actually caring to help when they are in need. 

Sometimes (most times) we expect people to be there for us when we haven't been there for them. Any healthy relationship needs to be operating with sincere reciprocity. My Mema used to tell us that you can't receive a blessing with a closed fist. You have to open your hands & hearts to give and in turn you will receive. I admit that there have been times where I was invested in a friendship but wasn't invested in the pages of the chapters that they didn't read aloud. I had to check myself & realize that if I was going to commit to the friendship that I had to be there for their truths as well. Regardless of how uncomfortable, ugly, embarrassing or taboo I had to make a conscious effort to be willing to support them in this way.

Friendship is funny because too many times we want friends or people to be around but aren't friendly. It's necessary to ask yourself, am I being a friend or am I in a secret competition with this person? Do I love them for them or am I here because I have something to gain from being connected to them? The question remains; Friends, How many of us have them? Are them?

Equality; The Other Forbidden Fruit

I spent the summer of 2015 traveling, learning & working on the continent of Africa. Here's one of my journal posts regarding my experiences in July during Ramadan. Enjoy!

                                                  Equality; The Other Forbidden Fruit 

I remember when I was a child and the Rwanda genocide was first creating steam. Many media outlets were placing pressure on universities as well as companies who had financial investments in that region of Africa. I didn’t learn about it in a traditional way. Instead a television episode of A Different World introduced it to me. I was angry that so many people with the same ethnicity resorted to violence (and ultimately murder) as an immediate resolution to solve their problem. I was also angry that people from America didn’t seem to feel as passionately about the genocide as I did as a child. Fast forward to present day, I am a variety pack of feelings as I look around and the weight of physically being in Africa settles in. There are virtually a gazillion thoughts running through my mind because I keep wondering what can I do and how can I concretely create change…

For me these thoughts arrive in waves. Taking a casual walk through town you can clearly spot several similarities as well as differences from our society in New York to the people of Tanzania. Women, girls in particular; are often expected to stifle their individual voice. In New York, it is very common to see girls illustrate their sexuality through their clothing. They communicate messages through how little or even how form fitted their garments are. Here, even if you wanted to communicate that way it would never be accepted or allowed. Currently, many people are observing Ramadan and even the prostitutes or sex workers are dressed in traditional hijabs and respectful garments. I find it very intriguing how much more respectful people can be in town here. Another fact that has sparked my interest is the traffic here. Women have the opportunity to ride bikes but they choose not to. Instead, they are driven around on piki piki’s (motor scooters) and sit on the back with their legs together and their purse in their lap. Surprisngly, they manage to keep their back straight and everything in place. Women in New York cling around their motorcycle driver when riding.

Although it may not be initially apparent, women are the gems of this society. When we broke into teams for the cultural cooking lesson we got an opportunity to spend the bulk of our day with the “mama” of the home. I observed her sew, help us prepare a three course meal from scratch, iron, manually light the coal fire, nurse her ten month old niece and bathe her toddler. Her high level of multitasking made me appreciate my own mother’s sacrifice. It also showed me that the nucleus of this society (similar to New York) is a strong invested mother. The “mamas” or the “matriarchs” of the family ensure safety and also provide a standard for their household. There’s power in their approval. In the reverse, there’s power in their disapproval. 

My experience in the household also gave me hope for the girls of Utaani. These girls may not have as much of a variety of opportunities as women in other parts of the world; but they have a yearning desire to learn. They are sharp, witty but also very inquisitive. There’s genuine discipline in their willingness to respect the cultural standards of this community. There’s incredible power in the reality that one day they will be as respected as the “mamas” that raise and sacrifice for them. My experience thus far has concretely illustrated for me that it is not our abilities that show who we truly are, it is the power of our choices that define our character.