Verbal Intimacy (unfinished)

Spark conversations quicker than a matchbox

You ignite my senses without even taking a look

You erect me 

You perfect me
You soothe me
Your consideration pursues me

To provide me with verbal intimacy

We talk about everything from applesauce to african apartheid

Jumping from who framed roger rabbit to what about tears when I’m happy

I close my eyes 

& allow my body language to speak to you in a zillion different tongues

Sandalwood tickles my nose 

As your verbal intimacy keeps me dancing on my toes

It was easy for me not to worry about me because I believed that other people didn’t care

Until I realized that you begin to stare

Into my soul

& you looked me into my eyes and asked 
Are you hungry?

Me?

I looked to my left & my right

& then landed my eyes back on you

You hadn’t even blinked

I said
Yeah
I can eat

You replied with a smooth 
Let me feed you

& that you did

I ended every situationship with every around the way girl who was wrapped in eye candy & cheap costume jewelery 

In an effort to feast on your soul food

Traded their twerking for tradition
Ignored all of my inhibition 
& fell

I’ll tell you now

I followed Anita Baker’s lead & I’m taking a vow 

To continue giving you the best that I got
Truth be told
Sometimes I don't like you
You become distant when you're scared
Defensive when you feel lonely
Angry when you're hungry
& 
Cranky when the world has gulped the last ounce of your energy away
It's terrifying to think that as you are loving hard
The person on the other end may feel you're doing too much
Or smothering them
I will always value your vulnerability
Without treating it like a disability...

Mistletoe Kisses

 

Mistletoe Kisses & Caviar Dreams
Large wrapped boxes & magical smile gleams
The smell of freshly cut pine tickles my nose
As my stomach does backflips thinking of the food that was composed
Sweet melodies of love bellow throughout
& I'm stuck here thinking of you & there's no doubt
Your beauty is like water replenishing all of this vessel
I am addicted to your smile
Those curves
Soft lips
That walk
Those hips
Mistletoe kisses & sweet smelling pies
Yet my mind won't stop wondering about the gold which lies between your thighs
Red Ribbons shining
Wrapping paper flying

As your energy surrounds all of my thoughts
Your body communicates messages to me that words will not do justice
I observe you without ever taking a break
To watch how selflessly you give turns me on in ways that only my actions can show
I admire your approach, always real never fake
Mistletoe kisses & millions of mind journeys later...
I am pleased to be covered in the melodies of your 
Voice
Tone
Diction
You are quickly becoming a yearning addiction
The way you understand my problems
The times when you always know just what to say
All leave me in a trance
I know now that you are not just my inspiration 
Just like the tons of fish that occupy the sea
You live in all of my thoughts
& you can find me waiting underneath  the mistletoe...

But Love is Blind; right?

Blinded by the shine of your heart
Captivated through your smile 
Where do I start?
I traveled two time zones
Took three flights
Fought an internal fight
& through it all my heart sings the lullaby of your name
The sweet scent of lotus flowers tickle my nose
As the melodies of your love fill my spirit
Erected by your kindness
Consoled by your compassion
Drunk off of your intellect
Can I hold you down?
I would like to get to know if I could be
The type of man that you can be down for
Because when I look into your eyes something tells me
That you're scared...
Hurt
Bruised
Lonely.
Somebody thought that they could afford your love
They thought that you didn't deserve all the blessings from above
They bent you
They tried to mold you
They mistreated you
They devalued you
But they couldn't break you
They were incapable of loving you past your pain.
I can't buy you tanzanite treasures
I can however guarantee you agape, non judgmental, unfiltered, unlimited love
I pledge allegiance to these words from the four chambers of my heart
& to the reality on which I stand
One man
Under GOD
Blinded by the shine of your heart...

Love?

So, I was having a conversation with my mentor early this afternoon. What began as a career discussion morphed into dialogue about relationships. It was at that point that I realized I have never fallen in love. Granted, I have had my share of experiences and situationships. However for me, love has never been a factor.  I have never been offered the support that I want or even needed. Instead I was given the leftovers of a broken vessel that refused to open up themselves for healing and reflection. As I look back I realize that I fell in love with moments. The way she rubbed my back to get my attention. The time she relied on the fact that I was ticklish to win an argument. Or  when she exhaled and whispered " hold me tighter". Those memories always come wrapped in smiles when I think of them. They are dog eared in the pages of my mind.

After hanging up the phone I started thinking, has love never found you or have you been running from it? This pierced me like a dagger. The idea of running from love is something that I hadn't considered. I had to dig in my mental rolodex to think back at all the times I may have ran away from the meal when love was being served. Or was it that love came dressed up as lust and I was too young to care about it's validity? Lust feels like love until it's time to make a sacrifice. That is the reality. However reality can change over time.  There are too many people who get caught up in the idea that sexually desiring someone can replace actually caring for them. How many times do we confuse an orgasm or the work building up to the orgasm as " they do this because they love me" or   "if she loves me she will swallow". We release so many words from our mouth but don't realize that we sometimes say them because either it sounds good or it was what we thought should have been said.

Love is actually an action word. When you commit to the statement "I love you", we should be willing to commit to the reality that those words are loaded. They come with responsibility and many expectations that most people don't verbalize. I know for a fact that if we were more honest about love and it's weight that we would't be in such a rush to fall into it. If we bluntly said  "I am emotionally unavailable, I only want a good nut, I was bored so I'm here or I really wanted your sister but she was taken" would it be received well or would it be met with a two piece & a mean right hook? The truth is that many of us (myself included) sometimes are asked to sell a dream and to not ever give the reality of the situation. We are expected to create a fantasy and accept whatever package "love" is wrapped in.

Back to my own experience, the question remains, am I running from love? Is it possible that overtime I have grown accustomed to lacing up my nike's and sprinting whenever I get close to that threshold? I had to ask myself, if in fact in you are running when do you plan on stopping to stretch, or for a water break?